Outcome jokes

I don't know what makes BlessedBrian so STUPID, but it REALLY works!

Here's a joke: Your life decisions.

I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor.

Your future.

If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?

Me: Have you ever went sky diving?

Friend: No.

Me: Well don't, it sucks.

Friend: Why?

Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.

I hit my friend.

He's dead now.