OK jokes

When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh for god's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

Most states:

"It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends."

Alabama:

"She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."

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    • Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.

    The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

    “I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

    The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

    There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

    Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

    Me: Seeing others happy.

    Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?

    Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.

    Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.

    Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...

    Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?

    Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".

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    • There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."

    So the guy replies,

    OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."

    So the guy replies,

    OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "Here you go!"

    So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.

    A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."

    "Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"

    "We're going with Trevor."

    "Ok, what if it's a girl?"

    "Then we'll have an abortion."

    A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

    Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

    However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

    She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

    The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

    "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

    So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

    After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!

    She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

    "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

    "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

    "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."

    Now, how about that drink?

    Three guys walk into a bar: one Asian, one American, one Black.

    A girl walks in and says if all three of your D*** sizes don't add up to 12 inches, I will shoot you.

    First comes the American with 3 inches, then the Black man with 8.

    It totals out to 11 and they look at the Asian and say "Oh no."

    He comes to 1 inch to top off the twelve.

    She walks away and says ok.

    The Asian says, "You're lucky she was hot, so I had a boner!"

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    • Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"

    "Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"

    "I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx

    Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?

    Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!

    Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?

    Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!

    Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.

    A FEW MOMENTS LATER

    Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA

    Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?

    Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...

    TWO HOURS LATER

    Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!

    AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER

    A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.

    Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."

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    • My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.

    My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."

    Mom, why was I adopted?

    Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!

    Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!

    We are having a sleepover and we are being as quiet as possible.

    Addison: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, THOSE ARE GREAT JOKES!!!

    Layne: IKR

    Mom: SHUT UP, YOUR BROTHER IS TRYING TO SLEEP.

    Addison: ok fine.

    Layne: Look at this joke.

    Addison: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

    *Addison and Layne continue laughing really loudly*

    Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

    Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

    (AT BED TIME)

    Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

    Ben: "I'm not."

    (Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

    There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!

    Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.

    69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120

    58008 (flip calculator)

    Boobless.

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