New Off Jokes - Page 7 - Worst Jokes Ever

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."

A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"

The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."

Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.

Most women are like the Twin Towers.

It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.

I traveled through time to get my dad back.

I failed because I was 1e21 years off.

What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?

Just switch off the lights.

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

Why'd the girl fall off the swing?

'Cause she had no arms.

Knock, knock!! Who's there?

Not the girl.

So this is how I got divorced.

On my birthday my boss, who was a hot sexy woman who I have always had an eye on her huge ass and tits, wished me happy birthday and took me to her house. She went into the shower and came out dressed and this made me disappointed. But then she stripped off and made my dick go into her pussy and before I could realize I heard her main door creak. And in came my wife, mum, and my 2 kids, 8 years old and 12 years old. Although my wife joined in, she was mad after since that was not my wife, that was my wife's twin sister. Do not know why woman these days are like this!!!!!!!!!!

Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.

What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.

How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear.

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.

It was an important knockout game for Al Nassr. I came to Riyad to see my idol Cristiano Ronaldo play. It was my dream for a long time. I took a cab to the stadium, but the driver dropped me off at a haunted house instead.

As soon as I entered the house, I saw a ghost, but the very next moment I realized it's my idolo Ronaldo. Thank you Ronaldo for meeting me!