Off jokes
Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.
What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear.
I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.
It was an important knockout game for Al Nassr. I came to Riyad to see my idol Cristiano Ronaldo play. It was my dream for a long time. I took a cab to the stadium, but the driver dropped me off at a haunted house instead.
As soon as I entered the house, I saw a ghost, but the very next moment I realized it's my idolo Ronaldo. Thank you Ronaldo for meeting me!
I ran over some crippled kids. I told [them] to walk it off!
If a girl jumps off a cliff, some people call it suicide and some call it girl power, but I call it BULLSHIT.
If your uncle Jack needed help getting off of a horse, would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".
Why did Al Qaeda lose $100 on a bet?
They bet $100 that they wouldn't crash when they went through the Twin Towers.
Where's your off button?
"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!
If I flip off an Asian person, he can't see it.
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
A kid in a wheelchair got hurt yesterday. I got detention yesterday because I told him to walk it off.
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What did the parent say to Michael Jackson?
"Get off my kid!"
What did the parent say to M.J.?
"Get off my kid!"
There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"
She replies with, "These are my headlights."
He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."
So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."
Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"
"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.