Off jokes
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.
Old members come back, weβre bullying the pussies and idiots off the site.
How do you piss off a color blind person?
Give them a Rubik's cube.
If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.
In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.
And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
I have a vest. If I cut off my arms, it's a jacket!
How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?
Take off the wheels!
I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
What does a French guy say when he falls off?
Oh no, Eiffel!
Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.