Worst Jokes Ever

What's the smartest insect? A spelling bee!

Bro, the Twin Towers are like my grandpa and his friends. One survived—my grandpa. The others have fallen—his friends.

I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."

Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

Why did the Dinosaur cross the road?

'Cause the Chicken wasn't born yet.

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

I wish I was a toe because I want to be banged all day.

I got in trouble today because I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said, "Lighten up!"

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"

What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.

I asked the emo kid how it was hanging. He didn't reply because the rope was too tight.

How to make white ice cream red... blend a baby into it!

I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.

I'm just like my LEDs, I'm meant to be hung.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.