“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?
Your mum!!!
When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"
"Ethan is gay," you say that, but first, who asked? And second, where's your mum at? Correction, where's your family, so how dare you? Now in the comments say sorry, or I'm coming for you! 😡😡😜😝
You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!
Me: You have terrible jokes.
Mum: Shows me a mirror.
My mum is a vegan. She brings us to after school seitan.
Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."
Your mum is so fat that when you walk around her, you get lost.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
Ur mum is so fat that when she lived in a flat on the highest floor, she fell through the inner floor.
Your mum is so fat, she needs 3 different watches for 3 different time zones.
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
Your forehead is so big your mum spent an extra hour in the birth delivery room.
While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!
Your mum so fat, she broke the stairs down to the fridge.
Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.
Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.
Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.
