Mum jokes
My Mum texted me she had lost her phone.
A shop assistant is helping a little boy who can't find his mum in the supermarket.
He asks the boy, "What's she like?"
The boy says, "Big Cocks and vodka!"
What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.
I fiddled your mum last night, she fucking moaned like a fucking wilder beast.
Your mum lolololollollollololollolololllol! Find her reboot card lmfao lolololol.
Why does Blake like lakes? Because of cake!
Why did the ground crack? Because of your mum!
What did the orphan say when his mum asked, "What do you want for dinner?"
He replied, " "
Son: Dad, how was I born?
Dad: Your mum's a hoe.
Son: OK, what's a hoe?
Dad: Your mum.
My mom is actually a mum! 😱
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell him, "Clap your hands until your mom comes."
Why does an orphan play mum and dad?
'Cause they need self-love.
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
I fucked your mum last night, that she was salty.
What's the difference between my mum and my dad?
My mum stayed.
Today my idiot brother screamed, "Ahhhhh, I'm dead!" But it wasn't really, so I decided to make it a reality until my sister came...
AND HELPED ME! - for once, but then two minutes later my mom showed up. We killed him right in front of her, and she screamed! "Donuts and pizza for you and more if you go to Mrs. Roberts' house and say hi and bye to Daddy!!!!!" And she hands us both a sharp tool, and I say, "What about Tommy??!!! Aren't you MAD!!!!!!!" Then she replied, "Who's THAT!!??? Coz he ain't mine. His name is Tommy, Tommy Roberts."
So then me and my sister visit Mrs. Roberts, and she said, "Oh, this isn't anything important. Go home!" So then my sister and I say hi! and do a countdown. After that my Nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR, MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL! 😊😊😊 But then the police question us where daddy was, so then Mom said....................... oh he's moved on! So then the police officer was like, "Ahem, ma'm where!" SO THEN I BELLOWED.......................... UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either🧐 i will ask my neibour nessy she'll obviously say YES or ill........................................
ok like for part two☺☺☺
Roses are red, Your mum's a queer, Fucking hell, Can’t get out of first gear!
What is the definition of clapped?
Ur mum when I am in her bed.
Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.