What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?
Only one of them is scared.
(This isnt a joke)
There was a homeless family in need for a room. But, The guy said no more rooms because they were Homeless......... So, they got into a barn..... And, the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. And, Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, That little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.
JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!
what the different between a mother and a pigeon on does not eat there husband out.
Roses are red your mother has said come back again and you'll be dead
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says "What should their names be?" The uncle replies "Well for your daughter, Denise" "That's a nice name" comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies "Denephew".
It was 7:00am when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep, he got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat, "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely, Billy replied with "whatever dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
What do you call a baby that came out of their mothers womb? A VIRGIN
why did the goat have an abortion? because she already had too many kids!
So I was sitting at a bar right, That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.
roses are red violets are blue...i fucked your mothers ass and she had you
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday, you know Dad has a big belly and that's why mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." . Says that little boy: "But mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and sheblows his belly up again!"
Johnny is very attached to his parents, he asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks "whats that?"The mother replies "that's my garage" he looks up and asks what are those? The mother responds "those are my headlights." He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down "daddy whats that?" The dad replies "that's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tell his mother and she says "you can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed he gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving he looks under the covers to investigate and see's them going at it he then yells "mommy turn on you're headlights daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
What's similar b/w a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me"
I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy was my wife mad. She yelled "HOW CAN YOU F... OUR DAUGHTER?!". Haha yeah she was mad. Anyways thats why your mother and I are getting a divorce Timmy.
What did mother mary say when god farted? jesus christ you stink!
Son: “mom, is there a thing called «friendship» between a man and a woman ?» Mother: «No Son, unless if he’s gay» Son : «So your friend is gay ?» Mother with herself : «How did he see me with michael omg if my husband discovered my cheating he will kill me» Mother: «Mmm.. Yes» Father loudly: «YES!!!» Mother: «What in the hell ? Are you gay ?» Father with himself: «Am i an idiot why did i yell?! if she discovered I’m gay and her son was made by Paul’s semens she will kill me» Father: «No what are saying ? I’m just talking with myself»
*A few hours later*
Mother: «I will go to visit my mother» Father: «Me too I will go to visit my mother» Son: «Not me too I will go to stud with my friends»
the mother and the father goes to michael’s house and they found their son playing with Michael and Paul is recording them and saying : «that’s why I love you my actual son oh only if your mother knows».
*The End* :D
Q:why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water? A:because it gives her more work!
A cat gets its tail run over, and it’s mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
Ill never forget my mother last words. What's are doing with that sledge hammer
