The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
You look tall for being 432,450 miles tall!!!!!!
What's black and red and goes 90 miles an hour? A baby in a blender!
What's the worst part of about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car? Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away
What do you call a retarded three legged doggo heckin pupper monster? A 1996 dodge neon with a broken tail light cover and 166,748.46 miles on the odometer. It could use a tune up and it needs a new transmission soon. New rear tires and a new radiator. Test drives with cash in hand. HMU motivated seller. Don’t waste my time and no lawballs.
*Titanic was sinking. Passenger: How far are we from land? Captain: Two miles. Passenger: Which direction? Captain: Down.
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck
Congratulations to Avicii for passing his 3 day mile stone of sobriety!
