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30 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

1) buy a lobster
[deleted] by
My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
---
14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident

Curse

104 views · Chriss · 1 year ago

As the strongest curse, Jogot fought the frog, the king of curses. He began to open his domain. Sukuna shrunk back in fear.

The image shows a grid of 6 different panels each containing a drawing of an anime character with a label below. The panels are labeled "CHINESE SORCERER", "JOGOAT", "SUPER-SENIOR GOJO", "FEMBOY FARMER", "FRAUDKUNA", "GLAZER", "POTENTIAL MAN", and "GOY JO".

Gum

2 views · AnimeGuy · 3 years ago

I can relate:

A cartoon of a person with green hair crying, with the text 'When you open gum pack then remember you are in class.'

Name

7 views · Face mcshooty · 1 year ago

A still from a film with a man looking slightly perplexed above the text "When she wants me to open up but I already told her my full name and favorite color."

Food

13 views · Heroin Monkey · 10 months ago

A screenshot of a Google review by Todd, where he says the service was awful but the food was great, and the service was so bad it was entertaining. Below, another user commented, "Hey Todd, go kill yourself. Why don't you try opening..."

Online comment

57 views · RapBoat · 7 months ago

A screenshot of a dark-themed YouTube comment section. The main content is a lengthy comment from a user named "IvanLubin" which starts with "IQ?" and discusses the high IQ supposedly needed to understand Playboi Carti's music, referencing theoretical physics, nihilism, and Russian literature. It calls those who dislike Carti "idiots." The comment then shifts to praising Kanye West's album "DONDA" as a "cultural reset," followed by a comparison of choosing "Dinner with Jay Z" over $500,000 for financial success. The comment abruptly ends with a bizarre, explicit, and disturbing fantasy about wanting to have a baby with "Travis," describing the birth process in graphic detail. A red circle highlights the last few lines of the comment, which detail the desire to have a baby.

iPhone

the taste of mommy's milk · 2 years ago

a

A close-up photo of a cat looking up with its head slightly tilted back. The text on the image reads "POV: Your iPhone when you try to open it using FaceID."

Money

11 views · Blach66.1 · 2 years ago

A screenshot of the Google Play Store page for the Kuda money app, which is advertised as being for Africans. Text overlaid on the image questions the phrasing, suggesting the app is for "Africans for money".

Cat

Why should you care · 1 year ago

The image shows two side-by-side photos. The left one shows a cartoon of a bee with wide eyes looking directly at the viewer, and above it is written, 'what my cat sees when she opens her eyes midnap'. The right image is a cat mostly submerged in the snow, only part of its head and tail visible. Above this photo is written, 'me trying to get through life'.

Ball

2 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A cartoon image of Spongebob's front door with two green balls stuck in the crack. The text says "Spongebob open the door. My balls are stuck."

House

RapBoat · 1 year ago

A map view shows a large house. There is a green map pin labeled "Owned by Kendrick". Below the house is a listing that says "DrakesChildChamber, 3.0 stars, kindergarten, open 24 hours."

ADHD

7 views · DIANEE · 1 year ago

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The image shows a meme with text "MY ADHD" above a picture of a man with a confused expression. Below it, it says "how to have a conversation?" and shows four options: "A: interrupt them", "B: trip over your words", "C: zone out", "D: get really excited about the topic and freak them out." Below this another meme with the text "ADHD THERAPIST: WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW?" and a picture of a person looking overwhelmed. Below this the text says "Me: My mind is like an Internet browser. 19 tabs open, 5 of them are frozen & I have no idea where the music is coming from." A third meme to the right says "Nobody:" and "ADHD:"

Class

1 view · SlothyMemes · 1 year ago

A sloth is sitting at a school desk with a notebook. The text on the image reads: "Opens notebook. Class is over."

Loan

SlothyMemes · 1 year ago

A four-panel comic featuring two characters: one with a beard, and two with a fairy-like appearance, with pink and green hair. In the first panel, the bearded character wants a "100K loan" for his business, and in the second panel, the fairy character denies the loan. In the third panel, the bearded character requests the loan for a psychology degree, and in the fourth panel, the fairy agrees that's a great idea.

Invention

4 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

An advertisement shows a pink rubber device shaped like lips next to a woman who is wearing the same device over her mouth. Below the image, the text reads: "Amazing Inventions Definition.org OPEN".

Youtube

1 view · Daddy dick · 3 years ago

Open this like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFVK1cd9P2k

A black and white QR code with a small pixelated black dinosaur in the center.

Call

3 views · bloodgod · 2 years ago

Guys is this normal?

A screenshot of a Discord conversation showing an ongoing call that has lasted for 125113 hours, 0 minutes, and 39 seconds. The user 'fleperd' is the main participant in the conversation. There are other messages and missed calls visible. Text on top shows 'scooter, come here - Worst Jo X' which is a tab open in the user's browser.

Electronics

81 views · Shitpost master-general · 3 months ago

Explain Bear won’t understand because he’s retarded.

A political cartoon by Glenn McCoy showing a street scene in Baltimore. The "BALTIMORE TVs & ELECTRONICS" and "LIQUOR & CIGARS" stores are on fire with broken windows, and looters are running away with an HDTV and beer. The "BELTS & SUSPENDERS" store remains completely untouched and open for business, suggesting the looters have no interest in belts.

Boy

2,587 views · Anonymous · 11 years ago

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.

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