Worst Jokes Ever

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Anonymous

Shitpost-master general

A can of PetAg KMR Kitten Milk Replacer with the text "*shotguns then proceeds to crush empty can against forehead*" written above it. The can features a picture of a cute white kitten.

Why should you care

life trick: don't get in relationships so nobody can break them

The image consists of two panels. The left panel shows a cartoon of a blond male character looking to the side with the text 'girls: omg i dont want to crack my neck it might break :(' and 'boys:' The right panel shows a real person holding a shovel and a tub of ice cream with the text 'Girls after breakup: *talks and shares their pain with their friends*' and 'Guys after breakup: I am going to eat this ice-cream with my tactical shovel.'

Why should you care

You are god if you can do any of these

The image shows a collage of four different images. The top left image shows Thor's hammer. The top middle image shows a sword stuck in a stone. The top right image shows a smiling baby with the text "THIS IS HOW I FEEL WHEN THE COMBINE COMES OUT OF THE SHED". The bottom left image shows hands trying to remove a bucket. The bottom right image shows a sign with text: "EVERY TWENTY MINUTE JOB IS ONE BROKEN BOLT AWAY FROM BECOMING A THREE DAY ORDEAL."

Why should you care

A split image. On the left is a screenshot from a video game with a character walking near a small structure that might be a doghouse. A creature that resembles a dog is running near the character. The text says: "Probably a doghouse, though I'm not sure since there's no dog around." On the right, there is a red die with the number 1 on top. The text reads: "ME A HALFLING: YES! I CAN REROLL. ME: ....".

Heroin Monkey

The image displays a screenshot from a video game featuring a menu with three options: "Give Up", "Try Again", and "Call Luigi". Text overlayed on the image reads: "POV: your insurance claim was denied by United Healthcare". Luigi is visible in the upper right corner of the image.

𝓼𝓸𝓷 𝓰𝓸𝓴𝓾

The image is a compilation of several pictures of cats with captions. One cat is running, another looks cute, one is fat and being begged not to be eaten, and another says it can change.

Heroin Monkey

A screenshot of math exercises with the text: "Exercises Simplify the following rational algebraic expressions 1. y² + 5x + 4 / y² - 3x - 4 2. -21a²b² / 28a³b³ 3. x² - 9 / x² - 7x + 12 4. m² + 6m + 5 / m² - m - 2 5. x² - 5x - 14 / x² + 4x + 4" Below, there is text that says: "Nah you alone in this one lil bro" followed by emojis.

MEME LORD

The image shows two drawings of people. On the left, there's a woman with orange hair in a ponytail, wearing a black top. On the right, there's a man with purple hair, glasses and an angry face with mouth open. The text on the image reads: "Only Females can get Pregnant" above the woman, and "SOURCE!?!" below the man.

Heroin Monkey

A collage of screenshots of Scotty Kilmer's YouTube videos. Each video has a different theme: using fuel additives when one can't afford beer, being drunk, and keeping secrets. The word "Secret" is overlaid twice on two different videos. The word "Drunk" is overlaid on one video.

Heroin Monkey

A dark image of a penguin with wide eyes and its beak open with the text: "YES, I CAN BE TRUSTED TO USE A 2 TON FORKLIFT. I WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT RAM IT INTO ANY CO-WORKERS ON DECEMBER 16TH 2021."

Heroin Monkey

Sarah
Chongalongadong
when you hug a guy and you
smell his colon
11/7/14, 2:36 AM from Queens, NY
tayLORD.
ErykanBaDent
When you can still smell his colon
on your pillows even though he's
not there >>>>>>>>
@RichOrb
I love when I can smell a guy's
colon as he walks by
7/14/14, 10:13 AM
jen
basedgin
Stylish Sweetheart
KAY5wEels
after you hug a boy and you smell
like his colon <33
I smell like his colon now
11/12/14 1:16 PM

Heroin Monkey

A split-panel image. The left panel shows a hand holding playing cards (an ace and a king). The text above reads, "My hands look like this." The right panel shows a hand signing a document titled "Divorce Application". The text above the document reads, "So hers can look like this."

Heroin Monkey

Emperor Palpatine, with a sinister smile, is holding a can of Mountain Dew. The text "Dew it" is overlayed on the image.

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a babirusa on the left and a babirusa skull on the right. Below the images is the text: "THE BABIRUSA IS A WILD PIG WHOSE TUSKS CAN GROW SO LONG THEY CURVE BACKWARDS ULTIMATELY IMPALING THEIR SKULLS AND ACCIDENTALLY KILLING THEM UNLIKE JEFFREY EPSTEIN WHO WAS KILLED ON PURPOSE". The text @yup.that.exists is in the upper right of the picture.

Heroin Monkey

A cartoon image depicts a muscular bear wearing a park ranger hat labeled "SMOKE EM". The bear is equipped with a machine gun and ammunition belts. The text above the bear reads: "Smokey's brother Gunny wants you to remember that only you can prevent communism."

Heroin Monkey

Bill Nye is standing on a beach holding a sign that says: "You can become exempt from No Nut November if you change your phone's calendar to December 1."

Why should you care

Truly are

A set of translucent red and white dice with the title "The Cursed dice" above. The text describes the strange properties of cursed dice, including their unnatural glow, and their ability to roll specific numbers on command.

Heroin Monkey

The image shows two headshots of men, side-by-side, in a sepia tone frame with an ornamental design. Below these is a text box with the text "Cyberbullying can sometimes get predators to withdraw from powerful positions." Below that is a loading bar and the word "Loading..." and in the bottom right corner "IRL Loading SCREENS".

Heroin Monkey

A cute white and brown puppy with its paw up, standing on a white surface. The image text says: "salutations huzz! can I please get a peek at your calcium cannons?"

原田

A two-panel image. The top panel shows two cartoon characters with swords. The text above the left character is, "The worst she can say is 'No'." The text above the right character is, "The worst she can say is 'Ew'". The bottom panel shows a close-up image of a cartoon mouse with a nervous expression, and the text, "*Screenshot*" below him.

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