Malpractice jokes

My cousin is a surgeon.

Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.

Why is it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?

The damages are severe.

It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.

He was a great vet.

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!