Maintenance jokes

If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?

Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap it on the arse and tell it to keep going!

How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!

In about ten days, Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is going to have its first and last service.