Apparently as a 4-year old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest. Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
My brother goes into the bar and says bartender give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey. The bartender says that's a lot of alcohol. My brother says celebrating my first blowjob. The bartender said let me buy you a drink. My brother said no this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth.
Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the barking lot
Helicopter, Helicopter Kobe Bryant in my chopper Sitting next to burning daughter Lots of smoke and little laughter
I just come across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues
imma eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before i die just to make the cremation a lil more interesting
Most of the people here: thats not funny lots of people died.
Bruh why are you in here if you cant take joke.
fart a lot
today was the worst day of my life, my ex got hit by a bus, and i lot my as a bus driver
people dream about having a lot of money of money but the only thing you should be dream about is a hairline
your hairline and your forehead must have a lot in common because, they go waaaaaaaayyy back
Dark jokes are like home a lot of people don't get.
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids when he came out the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire , they called him hot wheels
My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop, it went a little bit like this:
Me; dude, leave her alone. Him; beat it b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me; ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis Him; *walks away*
what takes up 10 parking spaces... 5 female drivers
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day." Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably. Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly"
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
I heard China aborts 25% of female babies. That's a lot of dead 3 year old gender affirmed girls.
Look for the gummy bear album in stores on November 13th, with lots of music, videos and extras.
what do get when you cross a lesbian and a platypus i lick a lot of pussy
