New Information Jokes

What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?

TripAdvisor.com

Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."

Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"

I didn't ask: ❌

I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️

A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.

She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”

The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”

The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”

We stopped by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us, "I am wan kin the manager." So we just left in disgust!

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you!"

I Googled "How to start a Wildfire." It gave me 28,452 matches.

Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic. Next, google 'God in Aramaic'. See the results for yourself. <3

n 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio. Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States. “Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked. His father pointed at a map of North America. “Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be,” he questioned his father. The man pointed towards the Soviet Union. “And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?” The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British. “Where is Germany again, Father?” He pointed to their home country in Central Europe. Hans pondered this information for a second. “One last question, Father.” “Yes?” “Has Hitler seen this map?”

Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?

Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.

Me: What is that?

Siri: Sugondese nuts.

If you’ve got me, you want to share me; if you share me, you haven’t kept me. What am I?

This is the log reference. Use it to post your logs. Logs can be posted by Info Gatherers or Announcers.

/{[(Log date) -Month- -Year- -Day-] -Log Title- } "-Log Information- " End of Log

Thank you, -Connor

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

None of these are jokes... they're all facts!

Everyone put your age here.

Just ask for a hotspot on September 9, 2001, you'll know.

So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"