Infancy jokes

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?

Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎

What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.

"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."

Why did you say hi? Babies don't talk.

Babies can spread a nasty smell,

especially when you haven't fed them for a month.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

How do you stop a baby from crawling? Nail its hand to the floor.

A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."

A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."

<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*

Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."

I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.