I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
Your hairline so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in-time before it grew
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
A orphan went up to nicolas tesla and asked to travel in time he then saw his parents put him in a building saying you now live here!!
How did Stephen hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time
Your hairline is so bad it goes back in time
Have you seen the justin meme?
Yeah, the ones that cracked at fortnite?
Just-in time for deez nuts
Bruh
But actually, it's a parody
Wait actually?
Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?
A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
Your hair goes so far back in time even cavemen saw it
Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
