I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam.
Doctor: Yup.
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor.
When people make accounts about you and a category.
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.
Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
So one day, I took a trip to Russia, and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any body guards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days. After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I had said yes, and the officer said god help us. So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent, and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said. I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy. He said we did, and that we were extremely drunk.
