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Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."

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    • How old are you...? I don’t give a shit, stfu and get in ma van.

    “NO NO NO”

    I’ll give you some candy.

    “Oh ok🤩”

    Is crummy bears alright??

    What do you call a person with one arm, one leg, one eye, and one ear?

    ONESY.

    “Hey dad, how do you kill a star?” - Give them drugs.

    A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

    How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?

    They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"

    How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.

    How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

    They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

    This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."

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    • How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?

    The dog lead went slack.

    I have a penis.

    How's that for a fucking joke? It's not a joke. It's terrible.

    500 thumbs down and I'll lop off my dick with a razor.

    Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

    How do Asian people name their children?

    They throw a pan down the stairs.

    What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.

    This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.

    The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"