How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?
By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.
Howe Jokes
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap till their parents come home.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.
How do two emo kids greet each other?
"I like ya cut, G."
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
How do you enter your house?
Through Bill Gates!
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
You have to tell this to a friend:
There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.
POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"
How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
How do you make people mad? You use the wrong category. It makes them go red.
How many foster parents does each orphan have?
One half.
