Howe jokes
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
A computer is a HARDware device. How come someone still feels it is MicroSOFT?
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
I like my wine how I like my women: 7 years old, and locked up in my basement.
How do you know if a snowman is a girl or a boy?
A: Snowballs.
How do NASA plan parades?
They plan-et.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until they see their parents.
How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?
By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap till their parents come home.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.
How do two emo kids greet each other?
"I like ya cut, G."
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
How do you enter your house?
Through Bill Gates!
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
You have to tell this to a friend:
There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10