How do parents punish their blind kids?
They re-arrange the furniture.
How do you make an orphans hands bleed? You tell them to clap until their parents come home
Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?
Because they don't know how to use the home button.
How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]
"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]
"How much have you found so far?"
"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]
How to make an orphan's hand bleed? By making them clap until their parents come back.
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips? 1, if the bag is family size
How much do pirate earrings cost? š¤ Answer: a buck an ear. š¤£
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
How do fish get high?
Because they eat seaweed.
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
Thereās also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasnāt told me that though. I'll research that.
One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.
The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
How do you keep a blind kid entertained?
You take him to a stadium crowd, then give him a bat and tell him to hit the piƱata.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
How do you know if a black ladyās pregnant?
You put a banana up her vagina and see if any little monkeys come and get it.
How do you start a fight in space?
"Comet me, bro."
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
How do you spell "cognitive mess?"
J.O.E. B.I.D.E.N.
