How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?
Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.
What does Micheal Jackson and a rock have in common?
They are both hard.
I made this up.
I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.
Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."
Every time a Light Saber goes off, it's just a Jedi Master getting hard over a kid. Lol.
Hey girl, are you a diamond pick?
'Cause I'm as hard as obsidian.
Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.
I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
Why does Johnny Sins cover his pants, but it doesn't work?
Because the long, hard thing can't chirp down.
Tell it to your parents and friends!
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
You smash me so hard, I gave her the D.
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."
Yo momma so fat that it was hard to find the G spot and slip her one at night.
Hey guys, I just wanna say what happened to Kanye; he is one of my favorite rappers, and he’s going through a hard time. I don’t see why people can’t just spread love and kindness like me💕
I think that Kanye was right to say what he said. I completely support him, and I don’t understand why people hate on him for using his 1st amendment, and Yeezy should be sued for it.
Quote of the day: Love bests hate as for hate is the killer of friendships - Collin Kaepernick
"I miss you.
Being happy was never that hard without you..."
Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...
What's long, hard, and full of semen?
Answer: Me.
