Handle

Handle jokes

Stroll

Baby: Stroll?

Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!

Baby: *happily screams*

Stroller: *front wheels break off*

Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!

Baby: Oka- CRASH!

Trucker

Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.

Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"

So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"

The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"

  • 3
  • Trash

    That shit was trash. You can't handle me.

    Hold up. Aren't you Nathaniel B.?

    Memes

    Daveon

    Daveon is so straight, he can't even handle a slight bend in the road.

    Door

    Why would doors do well on social media?

    Everyone looks for their handles.

    Sink

    I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!

    Vegetable

    Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?

    A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.

    Hand

    I can't handle these puns...

    But I can HAND you some puns!

    Budum tiss!

    Cultural misunderstanding

    A Chinese man moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

    He bought a home on a small piece of land.

    The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.

    He goes next door, but on his way up the driveway he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.

    Not wanting to interrupt these "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

    Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.

    Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

    A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbor leading a bull down the driveway and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.

    The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."

    The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."

    "What do you mean," says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."

    "Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bull-shit!"

  • 3
  • Table

    As I’m lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins:

    Angel: This won’t last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still.

    Devil: Did she just twitch?

    Angel: No. She didn’t twitch.

    Devil: I think I saw her finger twitch.

    Angel: Well, even if it did, it’s her thigh the techs are aiming at.

    Devil: She wants to scratch her face.

    Angel: Stop it! She can handle staying still a few minutes.

    Devil: But her cheek has an itchy spot.

    Angel: She can just let it itch. She doesn’t need to scratch every itch. She will just have to think about something else.

    Devil: Wow...that cheek is really itchy...

    Angel: Think about: Flowers. Acrylic painting. Did the trash get picked up this morning? Her grandson Oliver’s smile...

    Devil: How about a song?

    Angel: Good idea!

    Devil: How about... “Never going to give you up. Never going to let you down....â€đŸŽ¶

    Angel: OMG! You just Rick-rolled her! She’s in the middle of a treatment! You know that’s the only part she knows!

    Devil: That’s okay. She’ll just repeat the words she knows over and over and over and....

    Angel: Don’t be so mean!

    Devil: “Never going to give you up...đŸŽ¶â€

    Angel: Stop it!

    Devil: Her toe! Her big toe! Did you see that? She just twitched it!

    Angel: No, she didn’t.

    Devil: I bet it screwed up the test and they have to start over....

    Angel: She didn’t screw anything up!

    Devil: She totally screwed the test up and they were more than halfway done. If they start over at the beginning, she will get too much radiation, and they will end up slicing her whole leg off!

    Angel: That’s not how it works...

    Devil: Or they just stop all together and she only gets a partial treatment and her tumor won’t get enough radiation.

    Angel: They know what they are doing!

    Devil: ...And it won’t shrink the tumor and the whole thing fails. And the doctor will have to amputate her leg.

    Angel: No! No! No! That’s not how any of this...

    Devil: ...And when they amputate, it will be at the hip and not below the knee because the tumor is in her thigh.

    Angel: Stop this right now!!

    Devil: “Never going to give you up....đŸŽ¶â€

    Angel: Stop!

    Devil: “...never going let you down....đŸŽ¶â€

    Angel: I’m not going to let you...

    Devil: “Never going to give you up...đŸŽ¶â€

    Techs: Okay. That’s it, Tammi! We are finished! How are you doing?

    Tammi: ...Oh, I’m fine.....

    Memes

    Cod

    When you run out of ammo in COD and decide to handle it yourself:

    A man in a suit is holding a gun and aiming it towards his laptop. He's on a white table against a white background.

    Community

    @Matt, u said in the comments to jakes post something abt a suggestion box to do with the notifications? Idrk what u ment, but it made me think, if we could have a section in our pfp where we can edit in @s.

    For example I could go into my pfp and either edit my @anothernewblach to just @blach or @anb, kinda how we did woth @eb and @eh.

    Mb if this is what u ment

    Haaahaaa. This site should just be DELETED soon. Heard sum shii about LEGAL stuff. RIP matt, imagine DOXXING MINORS on a retarded site. You're a loser and instead of moderating a stupid site you should be DOING YOUR FUCKING JOB. I hate you and you'll delete this but you CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH. I hope you die a PAINFUL death because of what pain you've caused all of us.

    Hello, my name is Brenda. Imagine for a second that you’re me: An adult orphan kicked out of foster care at the tender age of 18. No family. No money. No love. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide from the big bad world suddenly at your feet. Forced to grow-up practically overnight or face homelessness and extreme adversity.

    Fucked, in every sense of the world.

    Then, imagine, you’re somehow able to beat the odds and get
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