Baby: Stroll? Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL! Baby: *happily screams* Stroller: *front wheels break off* Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS Baby: Oka- CRASH
-->[] go through the door if you can
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
That shit was trash. You cant handle me. Hold up. Aint you nathaniel B??
I broke the sink yesterday the handle just blew right off! my dad was so mad he blew his stack!
Why do anions hate each other? Because they can't handle the negativity!
Why would doors do well on social media?
Everyone looks for their handles
Daveon is so straight, he can't even handle a slight bend in the road.
Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road? A: Cause someone let go of the handle bars
I can't handle these puns....
But I can HAND YOU some puns
budum tisss
I have a joke about doors but you can't handle itš
A Chinese moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.
He bought a home on a small piece of land.
The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.
He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.
Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbour leading a bull down the drive way and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.
The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."
The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."
'What do you mean' says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."
"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me" replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks get piss drunk and listen to bull-shit!"
As Iām lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins:
Angel: This wonāt last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still.
Devil: Did she just twitch?
A: No. She didnāt twitch.
D: I think I saw her finger twitch.
A: Well, even if it did, itās her thigh the techs are aiming at.
D: She wants to scratch her face.
A: Stop it! She can handle staying still a few minutes.
D: But her cheek has an itchy spot.
A: She can just let it itch. She doesnāt need to scratch every itch. She will just have to think about something else.
D: Wow...that cheek is really itchy...
A: Think about: Flowers. Acrylic painting. Did the trash get picked up this morning? Her grandson Oliverās smile...
D: How about a song?
A: Good idea!
D: How about... āNever going to give you up. Never going to let you down....āš¶
A: OMG! You just Rick-rolled her! Sheās in the middle of a treatment! You know thatās the only part she knows!
D: Thatās okay. Sheāll just repeat the words she knows over and over and over and....
A: Donāt be so mean!
D: āNever going to give you up...š¶ā
A: Stop it!
D: Her toe! Her big toe! Did you see that? She just twitched it!
A: No, she didnāt.
D: I bet it screwed up the test and they have to start over....
A: She didnāt screw anything up!
D: She totally screwed the test up and they were more than halfway done. If they start over at the beginning, she will get too much radiation, and they will end up slicing her whole leg off!
A: Thatās not how it works...
D: Or they just stop all together and she only gets a partial treatment and her tumor wonāt get enough radiation.
A: They know what they are doing!
D: ...And it wonāt shrink the tumor and the whole thing fails. And the doctor will have to amputate her leg.
A: No! No! No! Thatās not how any of this...
D: ...And when they amputate, it will be at the hip and not below the knee because the tumor is in her thigh.
A: Stop this right now!!
D: āNever going to give you up....š¶ā
A: Stop!
D: ā...never going let you down....š¶ā
A: Iām not going to let you...
D: āNever going to give you up...š¶ā .
Techs: Okay. Thatās it, Tammi! We are finished! How are you doing?
Tammi: ...Oh, Iām fine.....
