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If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!

So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.

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    • I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.

    He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.

    I asked, "Where are you going?"

    He said, "Camp Bin Laden."

    I asked, "What do they do there?"

    He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."

    I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"

    He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."

    I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.

    A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

    "Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

    In America, there was a boy named Urhan, and he had one hand and a stump, and a girl named Handa who was an orphan. They had a trial for the Boston Red Sox, and they failed because Urhan couldn’t stump the ball, and Handa didn’t know where home was.

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    • What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?

    They can both do dirty things.

    You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.

    A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."

    Three cowboys are at a fire talking about the best things they have done.

    Cowboy 1 says, "I have taken out a whole group of raiders with my bare hands."

    Cowboy 2 says, "I have killed a herd of bulls with my thumb."

    Cowboy 3 chuckles as he mixes the fire with his dick.

    "Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"

    "I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

    "Yes," she purrs, "I am."

    The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

    The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

    The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

    Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

    So the Pope slapped him.

    Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

    A: So she can moan with the other.

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    • A boy asked his dad: "Why didn’t you make love with my mom, Daddy?"

    Dad: "Because I’m gay."

    *Son started making out with his daddy and sucking his daddy’s big peepee.*

    Son: "W- Wait a minute. So how did I exist if you didn’t make love with my mom if you’re not straight?"

    Dad: "Because you are not real, and I didn’t even have a wife."

    The son woke up from his horrible nightmare, and he looked so scared. He did leave his bed to check out his dad, but he didn’t find his dad, until his dad entered the house, and he said to his son: "Why did you look so worried? I’m just bringing some food for breakfast."

    Son: "Well, but why are your hands full of cum ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ?"

    Dad: "Because I did it with you last night. Did you forget?"

    Son: "But it was a nightmare..."

    *Dad turns into a monster*

    Dad: "I’m your nightmare!"

    The son woke up, and he seemed too scared, and he found himself beside his dad torturing him after he discovered he’s gay.

    The son with himself: "Wake up, b*tch, wake up, b*tch!!!!!!"

    😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

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