Greeting Card jokes

My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."

Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.

The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"

Marriage is like a deck of cards.

In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?

That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...