Green jokes

What's red, green, and smells like shit?

... Red and green shit.

The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.

you.

What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?

The hole experience.

What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?

A pool table.

What's green and smells like bacon?

Kermit's finger.

What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?

A pool table.