Good ones

Good ones jokes

Girlfriend

  • What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven

    Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere

    Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

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    Parking spot

  • Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

    The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

    Impasta

  • What do you call a different spaghetti? An impasta!

    PAPYRUS: WHAT DO YOU CALL A DIFFERENT SPAGHETTI SANS?

    SANS: What?

    PAPYRUS: AN IMPASTA!

    SANS: Good one.

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    Girl

  • Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

    Car

  • Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

    All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

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  • Baby

  • Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"

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    Tech

  • Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?

    Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!

    Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?

    Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!

    Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.

    A FEW MOMENTS LATER

    Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA

    Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?

    Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...

    TWO HOURS LATER

    Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!

    AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER

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  • Grape

  • *bowl of dark grapes*

    Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.

    Friend 2: Black? Good one.

    Friend 1: 21 at a time.

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    Phone

  • Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.

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  • Woman

  • What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.

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