God's Will jokes
Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.
Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)
Me: God, no, help!
*game notification pops up with very loud sound*
Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.
God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?
Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
The dear God created the man.
Then he created woman.
When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?
God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.
Your hairline is so bad, not even God could save it.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.
In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"
The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."
In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"
The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."
In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"
The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."
Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"
Johnny Depp fans claim to support their god because they sympathize with male victims of sexual assault. Yet a large chunk of them cheer on Wacko Jacko raping little boys, calling it "innocent".
I went over to a crying child and said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage!
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."