God's Will

God's Will jokes

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A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.

The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."

Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.

The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."

At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"

Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.

The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."

A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."

The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"

The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."

Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?

A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.

From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.

My name shows it all if you can't see, IDC AT ALL, you can ban me.

But let me tell you one thing, Without God, Isr-el is nothing.

So let me say it again, one last time, Free Free Palestine!

Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.

Texter 2: How?

Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.

During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."

Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"

What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?

“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”

Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?

Because God doesn't punish someone twice.

Yo mama so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out the way.

What do Christians and gays have in common?

They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.

God, people are so sensitive these days. You can't even say, "Paint the wall black," you have to say, "Jamal, could you paint the wall?"

The Flanders Song

God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."

Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.

Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."

"Leave me alone!"

What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?

One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.

(Yes, I know God created the rainbow, not Jesus.)

Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic.

Next, google "God in Aramaic". See the results for yourself. <3

Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)

Me: God, no, help!

*game notification pops up with very loud sound*