Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.
During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."
Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?
“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.
Yo mama so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out the way.
Your hairline is so far back that not even god knows about it.
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
God, people are so sensitive these days. You can't even say, "Paint the wall black," you have to say, "Jamal, could you paint the wall?"
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
What's the difference between Jesus and A Gay Person.
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
(Yes I know God created the rainbow not jesus)
"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."
Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic.
Next, google "God in Aramaic". See the results for yourself. <3
Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.
Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)
Me: God, no, help!
*game notification pops up with very loud sound*
Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.
God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?
