police control! Have you been drinking?"
"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"
"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
911 jokes usually go over my head.
Then it hits me.
A plane is about the crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out. A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a person man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, takes of shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
Mario:Princess Peach got kidnapped again! Luigi:Where did they go? Mario:To the left Luigi:Fuck
Once there was a woman who had a husband and a dog, the husband dies. The dog would always sleep under the bed and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down and the dog would like it to say she/he was alright. One night it was thunder storming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does he/she likes her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap. But the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can like too", in the dogs blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
don’t like this post or else I will go to your house and eat you 😈
Why did the skeleton not go to the party?
why did the orphan go to the monkey exhibit?
to see his closest relatives
Imagine failing to commit suicide, you might as well go kill yourself
The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane. The Christian and the Buddhists flight goes well but the muslims plane has a problem and crashes into 2 towers.
are you spanish cuz i will say hola do u go to biblioteca also spanish you will never guess the biblioteca word find it i dare you
If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former soviet union hanging on the wall,
that's a big red flag!
the youngest of the twin towers said goodbye brotha but the one who got his which is the oldest said....IF I GO DOWN U GO WITH ME
why did sally fall off the swing... she had no arms why did joe get hit by a bus... sally was driving it where did sally go during the bombing... everywhere
I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.
Ur forehead so big when u go to the toilet it bends U stooped
where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere. that joke was pretty dark but it got pretty light for a second
Your mum's so fat she fell into the grand canyon and got stuck going down
