Go-slow jokes

I give props to pedophiles.

They always go slow in the school zones.

Lemme tell you a little story.

It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.

So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.

Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.

And finally... you peel back the last plank.

And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.

BOOOOOOO!!!!

It’s Anne Frank.

There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.

To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.

I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.

I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.

I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.