Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!
The belt broke.
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.
If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?
Please follow me at Mary.cristal03 on TikTok.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Really, there is an answer, and he never made it across, so...
What are the similarities between a broken tire and me?
We were both caused by broken rubber.
When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.
I got an F in science. F stands for Fantastic!
If you take a shot, a paper wad, in the trashcan, and call "Kobe!" but miss, it's still a Kobe.
I FUCKING FAILED THE FUCKING CHALLENGE. FUCK FUCK FUCK. FUCKKKKK
Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.
Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left hanging.
A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.
Why can't Tottenham open a restaurant? Because they have no silverware.
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning, and think, "Well, better luck next time."
What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!
What's the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?
They're both pointless.
