What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
Espionage Jokes
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
What do you call 2 spies fucking?
Undercover.
What does the Cow say to the spy?
"Are you udder cover?"
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?
What's a whale's favorite James Bond movie? "License to Krill."
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
*America shoots down balloon*
China: "You killed an innocent man!!"
USA: "What?!"
China: "Yes, he was a famous sumo wrestler."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The KGB.
The KGB wh-?
*slaps* I will ask the questions here.
What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?
They both see things they shouldn't.
Why do asses make terrible spies?
Because they always CRACK under pressure.
Yo mama is so fat, when she was a spy, she was called "double obese."
Octopussy.