What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io!
The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."
The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."
What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
If girls are vegan, why do they suck dick?
What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?
“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.
Why do squirrels love dick?
Because it produces nut.
Why do orphans like to play Minecraft?
Because they like to have a home.
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do squirrels eat at the fair? A-corn dog.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.
