Do jokes
What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?
Pot wheels.
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?
Answer: A math problem.
What do you call a flying sheep?
A muttonbird.
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
Memes
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress up as the altar boy.
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
Do you know what I found in my letter soup?
A space.
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already done told her twice.
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
Why do orphans love playing tennis?
Because it’s the only love they get.
What do 9/10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:
"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."
What do you call a lesbian? Me.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.