Do jokes
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?
By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can't drink and derive.
Memes
What do you call a chill transgender?
Fictional.
Why do black people call each other brothers? Because they don't know who their fathers are.
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear.
What do orphans and Spider-Man have in common?
They both have no way home.
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
Why do orphans play GTA?
To be wanted.
Why do orphanages give out free phones?
So you can press the home button.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
No one shuts up about them.
What do you do when you're sad? Kick an orphan!
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because their daddy still hasn't come home with the milk.
What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.
What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?
Both get food thrown at them some of the time.
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.
Why do Imagine Dragons dream about mythical creatures?
Because they're believers.
What do you call a flat emo kid?
A cutting board.