Daily living jokes
Why does the disabled person scrunch his toilet paper up? Because that’s the way he rolls.
Why did Helen Keller walk in on someone in the bathroom?
Because she didn’t know it was the bathroom.
Why couldn't Sally open the fridge?
Because she had no arms.
What did Helen Keller's mother do to her when she was mad at her?
She left the plunger in the toilet, she put doorknobs on all the walls, and she rearranged the furniture.
Why don't they put petals on wheelchairs so when our arms get tired, we just use our legs?
My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
My day started out great until I woke up.