Classroom jokes
Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?
Half of the class: *raises hand*
Teacher: ...
The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*
That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.
What do you call a short person that goes to school?
A Sammie.
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.
Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!
Teacher: Where’s the P?
Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)
Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"
Orphan: -no response-
My teacher started talking about houses, then I said I don't want that informansion.
"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"
The teacher told me to put my MP3 away, so I brought out my MP5. Now that bitch knows what not to tell me.
Lawrence in maths ;)
I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.
This isn't a joke, just an American back-to-school list.
1. Pencils
2. Binders
3. Paper
4. Pencil sharpener.
What, did you think I was going to make a school shooter joke?
Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.
Teacher and kid.
Kid: Hey, teacher.
Teacher: Yes?
Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."
When the school shooter finally leaves your classroom, but then the autistic kid next to you's sketchers light up.
Me: "I came home laughing."
Parents: "What's wrong?"
Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."
Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"
Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."
Parents: "What is it?"
Me: "Who farted?"