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A day in the life of a Biden voter.

$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400...some day.

No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages.

$15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe.

50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol.

No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving.

Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports.

New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects.

Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up.

Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.

  • 4

    • How do you check that a rabbit is old?

    You check how many gray hares it has.

    By the way, this isn't a joke or a poem. I just want to say, please check out Gwen's puns. They're good!

    This one butt cheek said to the other one, "It's really personal, but it's okay, I'll tell you." It said, "Hey, let's go to my crib so we can smoke a little joint, watch a movie, and go upstairs in the room and get down."

    What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."

    Yo mama's so fat, a man has to bring climbing equipment to kiss her on the cheek.

    1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.

    2. You can't count your hair.

    3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.

    4. You just tried number three.

    5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.

    6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.

    7. You skipped number 5.

    8. You just checked if there was a number 5.

    9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.

    When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.

    So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.

    Then I told him, "What are you doing?"

    He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.

    He then told me how easy would that be?

    I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."

    What did the toilet paper say to the other toilet paper?

    "Hey, check me out! I'm on a roll!" 😂😂🤭🤭

    You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?

    Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.

    So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.

    Kid goes to the kitchen.

    Mom: What are you doing here?

    Kid: Just checking out the knife.

    Mom: So you've chosen death.

    So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.

    The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.

    So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”

  • 5

    • Person A: Hey, what's the next subject?

    Person B: Let me check.

    Person B: It's greenglish!

    An old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her off the edge without knowing it was her cash she wanted to check, so I died to help her!