If trees were sentient, they would make their furniture out of bone, flesh, and blood Now ain't that cool?
Women have so much evil in their blood that God has to drain it once a month
Hehehehehe
Why did the Nurse bring a read pen to work? To draw Blood Why did the M&M go to school? to be a smartie. Why did the monkey bring a ladder to school? to be in highschool.
I tried to get my bloood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside
Little Johnny's sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, "That is my garage". The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?" Suzy says, " Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."
Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her and he says what’s that mama she says that’s just and old bear he says he’s a mean bear she says why’s that he says he’s got blood in on eye and shit in the other
What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito One stops sucking when you snack it
I have no toes so I put blood on my foot and then my other foot got run over so ye
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath. The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?" "That's my little red sports car," said the little boy. The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?" "That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl. A few seconds later the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?" "Sure," said the little boy. The little boy's mother was down stairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said. "Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
Q:how can you tell if a vampire is sick
A:By how much hes coffin
The Britain’s walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad they ask Mary the mum why she had blood all over her and she said someone dropped the butter they walked into the living room and Thomas was dead on the floor
What happens when you hear a Mary Brittain beating a Thomas You cook spaghetti with his blood
i was having a party in my basement and my friend asked me what that bag cover in blood was for and i said oh thats the bag i catch the children with to torture them in this basement
A Vampire Stalks you into a field of corn, The stakes have never been higher...
How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's cock tastes of blood.
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type... His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
3 vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks “a Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea”
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”
My diet consists of Blood Pudding, I love it and have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, my secret ingredient though?
It consists of the blood and insides of my victims, it’s a bit chunky sometimes, some bits chewy, some bits hard
But it’s a hearty meal
