Apostle jokes

Jesus took bread and said, "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said, "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise, and Peter said, "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"

What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Why did the ACLU block the cellphone number of a Christian nationalist minister? Because the Christian nationalist had a virus on his cellphone and kept calling the ACLU because he wanted to join the ACLU because he wanted to become a card-carrying member of the ACLU.

They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:

Thou shalt not f... altar boys.

I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.

Which makes me an eighth-theist.