And jokes

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple got chosen.

A man gave me 1 dollar that was ripped and laughed away. I wonder why he did that.

He did that on purpose to trick me, then I met him in the threes.

Gwen, I am not gay. There is some stupid faker online! I swear on my life that I am not!

Btw, if I was gay, then why am I chatting and dating a girl?

Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.

Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.

A woman walked up to me and asked me for a joke. I stood there with a straight face knowing women can't be funny.

How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.

What do gasses and asses have in common? They both have asses in them!

Fuck, fuck, and only fuck!

I did a walk today and walked today to get my car.

Why did the alligator see a crocodile?

Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.

What is the difference between the human rights act and a home?

What's something yellow and cannot swim?

A bus full of children.

Q: What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

A: A Lamborghini isn't a very fun hobby.

Did you hear about the volcano that was accepted into Cambridge?

It was a decision on the number of degrees it holds, which is a lot, because volcanoes have lava if they're active. And ours was.

When you’re having the best sex in your life and your grandma says, “I’m not dead!”

What's the difference between Axne and a priest??

One waits till you're 13 to come on your face.

Hi, I'm Adopt, and you guys hurt my feelings. It is not God :(😔😞😔🥺. I'm just a kid. I'm 7.

POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.

Muslim religion is just pregnant women saying "Allahu Akbar" and exploding a bus.

Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.