And jokes

Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.

Yo mama so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."

Paul Walker died Fast and Furious.

What is red, pink, and goes round and round?

A baby in a blender.

What is green, brown, and goes round and round?

The same baby 3 weeks later.

What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?

Reload and keep shooting.

Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!

Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!

Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.

Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a strip club and got paid to keep her clothes on.

Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.

Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"

The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."

What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?

Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.

Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.

How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?

Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.

You're so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near!

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.

What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

The north and south towers got into an argument.

The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."

I’m autistic, and I don’t approve of you guys making fun of the 75,000,000 other people.

I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.