And jokes
My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?
One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
Q: What is the difference between Americans and Africans? A: Some of them have food, and some of them don't have food.
Yo mama so ugly when she looked in the mirror, her reflection threw up and ran away.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
What's white at the front and black at the back? A bus.
The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.
So I was just chilling in the World Trade Center, and I got airplane Wi-Fi. I wonder why....
What is the difference between an orphan and a blanket?
One is actually used.
What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?
One has more channels.
Why can't an orphan suck my nut?
A girl can, one knows how.
What is the difference between an orphan and a candle?
One is used.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
What is the difference between you and a calendar?
A calendar has dates.
Me and your hairline go way back, years and years.
Health and safety tips: Looking at your hairline is hazardous. For your best interest, please look away.