All jokes

I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.

They never got together at all.

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"

I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.

Being an orphan isn’t all bad.

On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.

All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.

The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"

The man said, "My wife does!"

I love you all the way to Uranus! 🤣

Why do orphans love Oreos?

Because when they have a family pack, they can eat it all!

I was on the Official Cristiano Ronaldo website when suddenly my Anti-Virus software showed an alert on my screen! The notification read "WARNING: FRAUD DETECTED!" I was shocked but not surprised.

Penaldo has been finished for years after all, and he often ghosts in big games.

Join my beta communication community committee commission Cumbria, please guys and girls and gurls. It's all inclusive b&b.

Unbelievable! When I searched “house of spades,” all I saw was a slave home!

Say all the planets: Mars, Saturn, Uranus.

What is the toughest part of the human body?

Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.

Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.

For all the online haters on me, comment here, be honest.

Dear Gwen and Prince,

Gwen and Prince, sorry for being mean and cussing and other messed up nonsense. To be honest, I really just wanted to be your friends, all both of you! BTW Prince, Gwen is not dating Aiden...I don't even know who Aiden is! Sorry a million times, Zreina.

What's the definition of a bastard?

Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

Why was the stadium so cold?

Because of all its fans!

All real chemists know that alcohol is always a solution.

I did this chemistry joke yesterday, but I didn't get a reaction.

What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?

The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”

And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”