Action hero jokes

Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.

Chuck Norris once put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."

Chuck Norris doesn't turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries.

Chuck Norris caught all the Pokémon -- from a landline.

In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.

There once was a street named Chuck Norris. They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet.

He scares the shit out of it.

Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.

John Cena once insulted Chuck Norris. That's why we can't see him anymore.

Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.

Chuck Norris once took down a fence. Maybe you heard of it, the Berlin Wall.

Chuck Norris didn't join the army, the army joined Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris one-shot down a German fighter plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling "bang!"

Chuck Norris once pissed in the tank of a semi as a joke.

It is now known as Optimus Prime.

An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.

What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."