When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
Nightmare
@nightmare
What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs..
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.