My girlfriend said to me dear i think you have hit an animal theirs blood and dents all over the bonnet
I said no love, im not waiting for a black lives matter rally
Daddydildo69
My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.
I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.
My dad said wheres pickles the family cat i said im sorry to say hes in the sky, oh i see he passed away no i strapped him to 20 fireworks
My Indian wife said last night if her fanny would taste like vindaloo curry, I said I've smelt your fucking armpits, you've got no chance.
What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?
My big green pedo machine.
I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!
What has 2 wheels and screams? A disabled [person] I dropkicked down the stairs.
I thought i had the best kd ratio in my fighter jet on battlefield then i heard about Mohammed atta
My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death i cleary asked for jammy dodgers and got bourbons
What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?
Your mum.
What has 15 arms, 9 legs, 8 heads, and 12 eyeballs?
A mosque after a missile strike.