A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "your adopted" the sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
*School shooting happens*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*
American student: "First time?"
If you watch jaws backwards it's a heartworming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming parquor it's a failed stunt.
A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
how do you suprise a blind guy. leave the plunger in the toilet
why do dwarfs laugh when they run. the grass tickles their balls.
what do Michael Jackson and a playstation have in common? they both get turned on by kids
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
I saw an Isis video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."
I believe "Self-Babtism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt"
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
If you were a food what would you be?
Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy
Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends
Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside
Your like a cloud. When you go away, its a beautiful day.
What do you call a special police officer? OFFICER DOWN!
If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.
